Eek! I disappeared for a while. I have this new thing I’m trying out, it’s called a “job”. It’s crazy, I sit in a room and answer phone calls and emails from people who are annoyed that their groceries arrived five minutes late. I’m not even doing this consistently (I can go a whole hour of sitting at my desk, doodling and waiting for the phone to ring). And then, after five days of this, they hand me a check. EASIEST MONEY EVER.

I had this weird block in my mind that i would never work at a call centre, that to do so was admitting defeat in some way. As if employment at such an establishment marked the beginning of my downfall into mediocrity and the abandonment of dreams. However, the need for this other concept that I’ve tried to ignore for most of my adult life, that concept being a thing called “currency”, drove me like so many others into lowering my standards. I’m trying to get a little more realistic in my plans. Get an apartment, maybe get a friend for my poor abused puppy (she’s staring at me right now, trying to figure out why I don’t want to go for a half hour jaunt in the icy death that is the outdoors), and start saving and getting things under control.

I’ve spent a lot of time recently trying to figure out what it was I wanted–if you have a goal in mind you can endure all manner of torture in order to get there, even saying the phrase, “Thank you for calling the Fresh Direct Delivery Status Team, my name is Jenn, how can I help you today?” forty times a day. And after careful examination I think my current goal, and really the goal I’ve had since graduating university, is to “get things going”. I want to establish my own spot, colour it my own colour, not struggle with my bills (I’ll be paying them for a while, I’d just really like it to not be a struggle) and get some sort of a routine down. People crave routines and I haven’t had one in some time. In university I’d have one for three and a half months, then next semester get a new one, then summer get a new one, then back to school and all over again. Then graduate, get a crappy job and start a routine just in time to get a potentially cool job except this job is the antithesis of routine. Do that for two years until you realize it’s making you miserable and come home, and try to get a routine. Since hitting that point three months ago I’ve moved to my dads, then to my moms, and then back to my dad’s again. And in a month or two I’m hoping to have an apartment that is mine, that is as permanent as can be. I don’t even care if it’s a dive at this point, I just want to live in one spot for MORE THAN THREE MONTHS and not feel pressure to get things done before I ship out again.

You know, I spent a whole day about two weeks ago trying to put those thoughts into words and suddenly it just happened that I think I got them down perfect. Well, sorry for ranting and thank you for reading if you made it this far.

By the by, if you’re a drunkducker, I’ve been posting my Naruto doujinshi there, so if you prefer that format over that of my website, check it out. And I’ll be updating my portfolio soon with some new stuff.